I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
