My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize