Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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