D3 body, D1 cock
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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