I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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