she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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