So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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