I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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