Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
did you just send me my own nude
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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