wakey wakey hands off snakey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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