do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
