He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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