My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
