call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
