I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize