you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
