I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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