So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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