I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
