I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
