My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
