i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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