Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
