My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
