man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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