So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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