I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
