I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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