oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
