u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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