why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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