i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
