Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize