He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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