TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
