chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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