ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
