I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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