I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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