i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
