I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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