This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
