do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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