i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
