I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm passing your future prison.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
