My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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