shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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