I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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