I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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