what day is it and did you see me today?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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