he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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