you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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