She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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