Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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