I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
