That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
3pm strippers are depressing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
