I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
