I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
