Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
