is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
