went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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