I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
