i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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