Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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