So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
